Worship Duty Pillows

"But we don't have a 'happy hour' or a half-time interval."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Church: Open Sundays

'It helps with reception.'

Fitness in church.

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Yep, I've voted in every election since 1948!' 'Don't be so hard on yourself!'

Hymns - Optional Extras

Curate talking to miners

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.