Worship Duty Pillows

"But we don't have a 'happy hour' or a half-time interval."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'It helps with reception.'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Church: Open Sundays

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

Fitness in church.

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

Curate talking to miners

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

Hymns - Optional Extras

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

'Yep, I've voted in every election since 1948!' 'Don't be so hard on yourself!'

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'