Worm Wisdom Gifts

'I blame TV, computer games and the internet: None of my kids are bookworms...'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

'Oh, crap.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

The Meaning of Life

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"More aphorisms, please!"

"We just need more wiggle room."

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

"Slithering is okay but jumping is more fun."

Worm Appreciation Society!

'The secret to life number 3 is...or was that number 4? No, wait...that was number 7...or was it 8?'

Virtue is its own reward. Vice works on commission.

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

A wise man marvels at the commonplace.