Worldly Soccer Lover Gifts

"Thanks old friend. That was awesome!"

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

The trauma of losing.

Football Chameleon

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Raheem Sterling

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Ball as water-melon.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'I think I've scored.'

Egyptian Football

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

Centaur Forward

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Watching the football.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Football