Workplace Wonder Gifts

Door Warns - Don't Open!

After 20 years, at 25 West 43rd Street, between the 19th and 18th floors: "Hello, Mr. Koren," "Hello, Mr. Shawn."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

STRIP Hambone: Boss doing what you said couldn't be done

"No, you may not help me organize the meeting."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Businesswoman Empowerment

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

Claus 2.0

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'What's wrong now?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'These are job perks.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"I'm thinking of turning this home office into a man-cubicle."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Torn-Off Mouse.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'