Workplace Whisper Gifts

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'What do you mean...You feel uncomfortable asking for time off?'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

Computer help.

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"Love your feng shui!"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'Don't keep complimenting them on their work, or before you know it they'll be asking for a rise.'

Cellular Plan

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'Are you hiding something from me?'

"Worn out by preparing his presentation? Actually, this is his presentation."

Plug Me In Stupid

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'