Workplace Whisper Gifts

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'What do you mean...You feel uncomfortable asking for time off?'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Computer help.

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

"Love your feng shui!"

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'Don't keep complimenting them on their work, or before you know it they'll be asking for a rise.'

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

Cellular Plan

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"Worn out by preparing his presentation? Actually, this is his presentation."

'Are you hiding something from me?'

Plug Me In Stupid

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'

"For gosh sakes, Mike! Will you please quit interrupting me while I eavesdrop on Mary's gossipy remarks to Bill during Jean's important presentation?"