Business Whisperer Gifts

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

Is it true the company is moving to the Far East?

'Are you hiding something from me?'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Opening the door to new customers

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'What do you mean...You feel uncomfortable asking for time off?'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

"Love your feng shui!"

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'Your 11:15 is here, to ratify the new agreement.'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

Computer whisperer.

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"