Workplace Tension Gifts

'I've read my appraisal and this is my solicitor - I intend to sue you!'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

Death Boss

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

That's the chairman's office.

Sinking sales

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"I'm your exit strategy."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

'Fersteimer believes in strictly minding his own business.'

Sold It All.

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

"His words, not mine."

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

"At this time of year I think it's important to reach out to those in crisis."

'You're having a mid-life crises...'

"I've been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!"