Workplace Tension Gifts

'I've read my appraisal and this is my solicitor - I intend to sue you!'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

'Nigel, what have I told you about bringing your work home with you?'

'Sleep deprivation's the least of my worries; I can't get these amortisation bluebells to frangipane...'

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

Death Boss

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

That's the chairman's office.

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

Sinking sales

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"I'm your exit strategy."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'I'll take that as a screwed up ball of paper bouncing off my head then?'

The Shepherd's Staff. . .

Sold It All.

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

'Fersteimer believes in strictly minding his own business.'

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

"At this time of year I think it's important to reach out to those in crisis."

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

"His words, not mine."

'You're having a mid-life crises...'