Workplace Sitcom Fan Gifts

Think...but keep it clean!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

"Benign so far."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

Hey boss, in light of all that's been happening in Hollywood and journalism, I just want to thank you. For what? Well, for a long time now, you've underpaid me, overworked me, threatened to replace me with undocumented workers or robots, made me an unwitting accomplice to money laundering for foreign oligarchs ... but you've never sexually harassed me. So for that, boss, I thank you. Only a fool would engage in an unprofitable ... I mean ... immoral ... activity. You're such a wonderful very bad

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'