Workplace Settings Gifts

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

"We have an escape from cubicle 188. want complete lockdown. Tell security we have an unauthorized bathroom break."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Torn-Off Mouse.

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

HR - Helping Relationships

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'