Workplace Settings Gifts

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

"We have an escape from cubicle 188. want complete lockdown. Tell security we have an unauthorized bathroom break."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

National Boss Monument.

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Torn-Off Mouse.

HR - Helping Relationships

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'