Workplace Safety Warrior Gifts

"I'm willing to rehire you, if you drop the lawsuit. If that sounds good, blink twice."

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."

Work Slave