Workplace Restructuring Gifts

"Something makes me feel you want comfortable with change."

'The alpha male decided I need to go find another herd.'

"He's not good with change!"

'What choice did I have? It was either them or me.'

"I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. . . we need to make savings to pay for the locums!"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

New Memer/Incumbent

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'