Corporate Restructuring Gifts

Come over here.

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

"You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'I assumed when we merged that we'd have our own desk.'

For use when tweaking the paradigm just isn't cutting it any more.

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

Miss Smith, try and find out who we are working for today.

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"I want you to play a bigger role in the day-to-day operations of ignoring the obvious."

'I thought it would be appropriate to have a magician as we went down.'

'I was thinking that I want to fire all of my employees and shift our manufacturing operations to Costa Rica.'

The grim sweeper shows just how clean a new broom could sweep.

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'We're downsizing. So, instead of five people, I'll be asking you to do the work of four.'

"How's the downsizing going?"

'It's all very well for people to whine about us letting these secretaries go...But it's unavoidable, no business can afford waste these days, savings had to made and there was nowhere else to turn!'

'I hear that after the restructuring there'll be only four deadly sins.'

'This book says there's a point where downsizing your management staff becomes 'dumbsizing.''

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'Merged out of a job.'

"It's unfortunate that we have to cut back on frontline workers, but what else can we do?"

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"I'm afraid this is one fire we may not be able to put out!"

"Gentlemen, I've decided to reduce our executive committee to three members."

'I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people to set up a meeting on a merger.'

"Perhaps we should have postponed our downsizing operation until after the Xmas party."

"I suspect that we'll soon be kissing our three-martini lunches goodbye, too."

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."