Corporate Reorganization Gifts

'You've survived nine downsizings! How do you do it?!'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

New Memer/Incumbent

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

No - None sense, take-charge, inc. - Formerly: Happy-go-lucky, inc.'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."