Business Restructuring Gifts

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

Business jargon : 'significant negative growth' translated into : 'we are dead broke !'

"We're replacing you with a much cheaper ferryman."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up.'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I hear we're heading for bankruptcy.'

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

New Memer/Incumbent

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."