Restructuring Consultant Gifts

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Time Is Money

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'