Restructuring Consultant T-Shirts

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Time Is Money

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."