Workplace Gags Gifts

'It's getting a bit stale, Jack. You need to think outside the box.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."