Workplace Comedy Pillows

'Fetch help quickly...The accident book's fallen on him!

'Must be a personal call - she snarls at the customers!'

'Managing change is all about coping with the unexpected and you don't get more unexpected than this.'

"I've given you a glowing reference, Hempson. And here's the disclaimer to go with it."

Office Safety - Fire Escape Practice.

"As receptionist, you'll be answering the phone, greeting customers and doing whatever else they dump on you."

"Due to the nasty flu going around the office, I'll be taking the week off."

'My snake went to work in one of those call-centres.'

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

'That's better. Now you can go back to work.'

'No you all know me, I like to call a spade a vegetable plot preparation solution...'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

'If you now feel like punching someone in the face. . . press five!'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

Corporate Coaching Management Training.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"I was just...er...conserving energy!"

"When you're through with that, there's a water cooler on seven that needs emptying."

"I can't go back to work...I didn't bring a change of clothes."

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

'Warm a chair...swill coffee...thumb through catalogues and surf the Internet... By golly, Ted, he's RIGHT. They're all in his job description!'

'Let's try to make this an interesting meeting. My biographer will be here.'

'I REALLY disapprove of our mandatory retirement plan! '

'Since the schedule reorganizing, we haven't yet figured out what to do with Harris.'

'How can you say I don't show initiative when every day I'm the first to leave for lunch?'

'Work?...On my salary?'

'If the boss calls. . . find out who he is.'

"Forget the chart, we got a REAL problem...the shredder's broken!"

'I'm terribly sorry, he's tied up at the moment, could anyone else possible help. . ?'

'When I said you were going to be our bean counter, you happily agreed. So, what's the problem?'

'So, you think it would take you a month to train someone else to do your job? Okay, I'm giving you a month's notice.'