Wordsmith Chuckler Pillows

Couch - Soft, squishy and voluminous organism whose unusual mode of reproduction involves locating itself near a television set and secreting a skin-absorbed retrovirus containing couch-genes.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Keyboard in Heaven

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

"Goddam Dogs."

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

A stone age tire swing

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

What your acoustic guitar says about you

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Merry Christmas

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."