Chord Chuckler Pillows

What your acoustic guitar says about you

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'Fancy a swift half?'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Keyboard in Heaven

"It's weeder's elbow."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

Merry Christmas

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'The chloride co. wants to merge with us. They think we can make salt together.'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

Overdone bird jokes

'I don't know Jake 'The Bartok Brothers' doesn't have the right ring to it.'

"I had to get a real dog. I was allergic to my Chia Pet."

Waiting In Doctor's Office

"But before we continue let's pause for a few moments of madcap wit and zany one-liners."

'What do you mean, stuff the chicken? It wasn't empty.'

Man, bike, chicken, crossing the road.

'I dunno. Looks like some kind of milking machine but she's wearing it all wrong.'