Words Of Wisdom T-Shirts

"You're barking up the wrong tree."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Oh, crap.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

The Meaning of Life

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"More aphorisms, please!"

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

'The secret to life number 3 is...or was that number 4? No, wait...that was number 7...or was it 8?'

Virtue is its own reward. Vice works on commission.

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

Woman meets up with guru: 'Oh, there you are, honey. Dinner's getting cold.'

A wise man marvels at the commonplace.

"Papi! Papi! I figured it out! I know exactly what I'm gonna be when I grow up!"

"Are you too old to remember all the advice you tried to give me when I was too young to care?"

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

'Advice? Yep, take your Olympic torch somewhere else.'