Wordplay Entertainer Gifts

"Well %$@#(&!! is not a banned word in the &%Xsing UK!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"That's it. We’re toast."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Backfire

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.