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"There are our running shoes and these are our running shoes for running."

A FAREWELL TO ARMS ERNEST HEMINGWAY

Santa Clops

'Thanks be to salmon, I am technically accurate.'

'Bookstore giants discussed a merger, but borders objected to the name 'Barnes,& Noble without borders'.'

New! Corduroy Pillows! They're making headlines!

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

"I just came from a meeting of the red hat society."

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

"I'm feeling frisky, Babe... I hope you carry protection."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Please Drove Carefully.

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Punt Cake

Vlad the Inhaler

Lesser known greek gods,

Gay Times...

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.