Word Play Analysts Gifts

"Never bring a wife to a gunfight. That's Day One stuff, guys."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Backfire

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.