Word Detective Gifts

Book surgery.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Can You Spot the Differences?

Torturing the English Language

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Barks in code.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

hard-boiled egg...

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'You know too much,'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'So who needs sonar?!'

When Engineers Crack.

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'