Woodworking Gifts

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Stupid Tree Surgeon.

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"Dang. Just a thin ring of wood veneer over cheap particle board."

Man next to trees selling Unfinished Furniture.

'Ugh, we've got termites, destructive little pests.'

DIY horror.

A granny with badly made self-assembly furniture.

"Should we have lunch first?"

"No, lad, we aren't movers. We're just Shakers."

Man sawing the branch that he stands on.

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

Young Picasso In Woodshop

Lumberjack Finds Strange Tree Rings

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

Man must make unfinished furniture from tree limb.

"For goodness sake, I don't need to do a new risk assessment each time I cut a new tree..."

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

8th Annual Chainsaw Carving Competition

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"Remember, measure twice, cut once, stand baffled, string together obscenities."

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

Fred deciding which sort of power to use to cut wood for his wood burning air conditioner.

You've Got Nail!

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is Wally fell into the sanding machine. The good news is he's nice and smooth.'

Builders.

Trees With Sign Unfinished Furniture.

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'