Woodworking Gifts

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Stupid Tree Surgeon.

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"Dang. Just a thin ring of wood veneer over cheap particle board."

Man next to trees selling Unfinished Furniture.

"Don't tell me how to work safely! I've been at this job for five years!"

'Ugh, we've got termites, destructive little pests.'

DIY horror.

A granny with badly made self-assembly furniture.

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

"Should we have lunch first?"

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

"No, lad, we aren't movers. We're just Shakers."

Man sawing the branch that he stands on.

"For goodness sake, I don't need to do a new risk assessment each time I cut a new tree..."

Lumberjack Finds Strange Tree Rings

Young Picasso In Woodshop

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

8th Annual Chainsaw Carving Competition

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

Man must make unfinished furniture from tree limb.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"Remember, measure twice, cut once, stand baffled, string together obscenities."

Fred deciding which sort of power to use to cut wood for his wood burning air conditioner.

You've Got Nail!

'I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is Wally fell into the sanding machine. The good news is he's nice and smooth.'

Builders.

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Trees With Sign Unfinished Furniture.

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'