Woodworker Gifts

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know how I managed without it."

'I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is Wally fell into the sanding machine. The good news is he's nice and smooth.'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'

Trees With Sign Unfinished Furniture.

'He's a visionary.'

'Chuck me.'

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"One way to prevent chatter is to alter your speed. Those RPMs are far too high for that size job." "Earplugs, another good way to stop the chatter."

'No, I said 'orse. Big wooden 'orse!'

'It's not finished yet. It's still got to be painted.'

"That sliver has really taken root. You'll need to see an arborist."

Nick Offerman

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

'It's always the same design. I wish he'd get a more imaginative set of house plans.'

'I need just a hair cut off this.'

'No, Joseph didn't make the crib, it was a flat pack!'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"Most projects require three hands."

"What sick person would chop your mom not pieces and make you wear her?"

'...And for the last time, do not eat your project before I've graded it.'

Woodworkers Club Meeting, Room 23. Splinter Group, Room 24.

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'Brian's saved us a small fortune...making all our own furniture!'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

Optical illusion.

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

'All right, Pal, gimme all the money or I'll open up this biefcase!'

'As yet another plane falls out of the sky, we ask, 'what the hell's going on?!?'..'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.