Woods Gifts

Woodland confidential.

'I don't know what porridge is either, but they're all crazy for it.'

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Yeah, I tried beaver once too, but I didn't like the woody after-taste..."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Copycats

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Showbiz Awards

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."