Woodland Wanderer Gifts

"All dogs go to Heaven, because we're not the ones who screwed up."

"Don't you know anything but 'Afternoon of a Faun'?"

Tree collapse...

Organic?... Or processed food?

'Lumber jack?' 'No, lumber Jill!'

'Mom, Dad - this is Jeremy.'

Pull My Branch.

'A little long on the tremolo, perhaps, and not enough obligatto, but all things considered, not a bad call.'

Tree Funeral

Ted enjoyed going to the park and feeding the woodpeckers.

"How bad is it doc?"

It would be the last time that the Oak Bay birdwatching club would venture out into the woods without a prior phone call.

Detour, Knot ahead (Termites).

James gets caught recording nature sounds without permission.

public toilet in the woods

'Mum, it's not fair: The principal said I was not allowed to take nuts to school anymore...'

"I'm all tapped out."

The Four Horsemen of Trees: Beavers, Hammocks, Bugs, Unpainted Furniture.

'Don't worry, their bark is worse than their bite!'

Floorist: 'Say it with Timber'

"I chew, therefore I dam."

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

"Hold up, little dude. I wouldn't go in there yet if I were you."

"Blah blah blah. . ."

"Have you guys seen my recent collab with the universe?"

"Do you hear dueling tubas?"

"I'm doing this for you, my loves."

"I've got you in my sights now, Mister Squirrel, with your fluffy tail and those tiny hands clutching that itty-bitty nut. Aww, you must be hungry...poor little fella... I love you, Mister Squirrel."

"Anyone who wants to pull out can do so right now and no one will think less of him."

"Trees get hollowed out, keel over and die … just like people."

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"There's no charge for wandering around in the woods, but a three-dollar contribution is suggested."

"Looks like you're not the only one wearing impractical shoes in the woods."