Wives' Club Member Gifts

'The first wives club'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

I think you're ace

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"You'll learn a lot at our book club...like how to read between the wines."

'Where's my horse?'

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Should I call the auto club of the coast guard?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Men drinking

'You're away, Doc!'

'That takes you into double figures and we're not off the tee yet!'

Golf Hil Divot

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

'Boy Scouts aren't ANY kind of terrorists!'

'Alert the troops I'm going back to work.'

"You're a lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch. You'll do well down here."

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

"I hate sand traps."

"You're pregnant? Are you sure it's yours?"

"Nice putt."