Witty Wine Lovers Gifts

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

Waiter watering down wine

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"A whino!"

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

"Do wine writers suffer and all that?"

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'I quite the wine class after 5 minutes. The instructor started by saying that wine a liquid, but it's dry.'

'The dining room? It's 18 wine bottles long, and 15 wide.'