Witty Waiter Gifts

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Bangers and Mash

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Drive-thru Church

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Call Your Office

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

The Gilmore Girls

Heart To Heart

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

Cold caller.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

It started with a giggling sound in the suspension, then a noise in the ventilator, and then...

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

David Letterman

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.