Witty Trainer Pillows

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'Oh, and one more thing

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

Knights of the iPhone

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

Dog Training For The Ninties

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'

Never judge a nose job at face value.

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

Slow food.

"You've put on weight."

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

'It's nothing personal. It's just that going after your job is in my job description.'