Witty Retorts Appreciator Gifts

"The entire time you were talking to Marissa you had a piece of spinach between your teeth."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Cat Burglar

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"Touché"

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Voltaire

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

Mom's Mortuary

The People versus McGinley gets acrimonious.

Pick your own fruit or worms.

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin Round Table

"Uh. . . Ooh. . . Here come the know it alls again!"

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

Circus. I'm giving up the seltzer bottle as a comedy prop and will do a more sophisticated act. Ah, dry humor.

Figure of Eight

Tom Bowler

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

'Wow! This style of writing went out back in the seventies!'

'How's my appeal going?', 'How's your tunnel going?'

Black Death

Inn and Outt.

Bit on the Side