Witty Insomniac Pillows

"If you really wanted to, you could beat this insomnia with your eyes closed."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I'm taking you off sleeping pills and putting you on Proust."

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

Wide-awake.

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

"I'm going to give you something to help you sleep."

Overnight Programming

"When I can't sleep I don't count sheep I count my blessings."

Noah falls asleep by counting animal pairs.

"See how much better you look after a good nights sleep."

"This book put me to sleep—It was wonderful."

Gracie can't sleep by counting sheep so she sleeps by counting A+ grades.

'I hate to admit it, but I counted sheep all night.'

'Oh man, really shouldn't have had that coffee in June,'

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

"But counting sheep makes me hungry."

"Don't be alarmed, I couldn't sleep: I'm just here to count you. . ."

"He's chasing his dreams."

"Decaf... I distinctly ordered DECAF."

"You've been daylighting, haven't you ?"

Wide eyed owl drinking coffee.

"Must you page swipe so loudly?"

'The new baby? Oh he's great! I haven't slept in 4 days, but the baby is great!'

I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd embroider my memoirs a bit.

"After tonight you're going to need a prescription."

'One will help you sleep like a log. The other one's to keep the termites away.'

Daily Promise...

'It's great that you can laugh at yourself, but can you not do it in the middle of the night?'

'Next time try decaf.'