Witty Banter Crowd Gifts

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Touché"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

A lesson in wit

Heart To Heart

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"Any chance of some credit?"

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

Home Business - Wife.

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"