Witchcraft Dabbler Pillows

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'Try my health brew...1% fat, no cholesterol, high fiber and low sodium.'

My first mistake.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"It's a recipe for self-care."

'Got anything with a dual muffler?'

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

'Hepzibah, I'm getting out There's just no money in being a witch.'

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

'Edwards, you fool, I'm Dr.Blake - the experiment worked! It means riches and fame for me - us! I meant us!'

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

'I hate his more-contagious-than-thou attitude!'

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

'It's just a first draft.'

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

'Awhile back I wouldn't tell what I read. I'm ready now...I read Tea Leaves.'

Despite their best efforts Hell's scientists were never able to break the scorn barrier,

Toy boat on a tsunami.

DANGER - hook and worm...!

I accidently deleted my hard drive, but it's okay. All the important stuff is on the refrigerator anyway.

"Unfortunately polishing my mouse isn't as relaxing sharpening my pencils."

Man sees sign at fortune teller featuring mind reading and mind boggling