Wit On The Pitch Pillows

'Goodness me referee one really must question your visual acuity.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Doggone

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Czarcasm

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

Paper Boy

Your Country Needs MOO!

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

Another Truism Bites the Dust.

Death Watch

"What a midfield wizard!"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

Ok, I know a sarcastic slow clap when I hear one.

Sublime

"You have to admire their ingenuity at least -- They're burying their apple cores."