Wit Collector T-Shirts

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'He's the sort of person who asks, 'How are you?' and then looks bored when you tell him.'

Backdoor

Airbus

On Its Way To Mohammed. . . The Mountain Drops In On Tom.

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

Manhattan

"Being smart is great! I wish I was smarter! But I would never want to be a smart Alex. That would be annoying."

Calling A Spade

Train Of Thought

Cut A Rug

"In other words homogenius."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Doggone

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Cat Burglar

Silly wig.

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

A man taking a bow