Wit Collector Gifts

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'He's the sort of person who asks, 'How are you?' and then looks bored when you tell him.'

Backdoor

Airbus

On Its Way To Mohammed. . . The Mountain Drops In On Tom.

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

Manhattan

"Being smart is great! I wish I was smarter! But I would never want to be a smart Alex. That would be annoying."

Calling A Spade

Train Of Thought

Cut A Rug

"In other words homogenius."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Czarcasm

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Doggone

Cat Burglar

Wordplay: In The Bag.

Silly wig.

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'