Wise Cracker Gifts

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

Mayfly Wisdom: Never put off til tomorrow...

'...On the other hand - the examined life sucks too.'

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

The tax and maintenance charges are why they call them con-doughs.

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Don't be a fool!"

The best way to keep your head is not to get into debt over it.

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Clive knew that an unexpected fall at his age could be problematic.

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

Boy whistling at crackers.

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You reek of crackers.'

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'