Winning Lottery Gifts

A man shows up to a lottery winner's door with a 1040 form.

'Call in another specialist, Ms.Wald. He still feels depressed after winning the mega-million lottery.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

Why do you hate the media?

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."