Lottery Winning Gifts

"Up next we interview the big lottery winner, but first, let's tamp down your envy and greed by looking all the lives totally devastated by winning the lottery."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Why do you hate the media?

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

"Have you been scratching this?"

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'