Lottery Winner Gifts

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

Occupy God's Vacuum

'Yeah, I misplaced my winning Lottery ticket. I'm always losing things. I've lost my Oscar, my Nobel Peace Prize, my chunk of moon rock, my collection of four leaf clover's...'

Tradesman/Lottery Millionaires entrance

"Apparently, they're 'old money'. He's one of the very first National lottery winners."

"I won the lottery so I had it gold plated."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

Why do you hate the media?

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

"Have you been scratching this?"

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Medalist wears five gold medals to form olympic rings.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

Elf of the Month

Happy Meals for Grown Ups