Winning A Scholarship Pillows

'The only mystery remaining is, who wins the scholarship to Sherlock Holmes University...'

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Bribes for Jabs

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Award Winning Gardener

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Soccer coach of the year.

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

Scenes we'd most like to see...

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Pinara fund

Baseball players and their qualifications.

Zdeno Chara

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'