Scholarship Pillows

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

Hugh Trevor-Roper

"Actually I'm doing this to stand out more in the scholarly community."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

Pinara fund

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Baseball players and their qualifications.

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

Student Debt

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

1/2 Full Foundation: Optimists only need apply.

Roads Scholar

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

And if you go for your Masters', we'll throw in your PH.D. at no extra charge.

Publish or Perish: 'Welcome to the Team. Remember, if you follow the University Motto, you'll do fine...'