Wine Wiseacre Gifts

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Pasta

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Keith Floyd.

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Portfolio, 2011

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing on the palate, goes well with cough and cold."

Recycling bottle bank.

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

Red Wine

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'