Wine Wisher Gifts

'Jesus! Have you been playing with the taps again?'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

"I make it myself!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Portfolio, 2011

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

Wine Talking

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I've got an office and I've got a window, but I wouldn't say I've got a window office."

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Could I just get one that's wine flavored?'