Wine Wisher T-Shirts

'Jesus! Have you been playing with the taps again?'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"I make it myself!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Keith Floyd.

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

"Okay then, what wine do you have if we go up to the four dollar range?"

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

Wine Talking

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I've got an office and I've got a window, but I wouldn't say I've got a window office."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Could I just get one that's wine flavored?'