Wine Snob In A Casual Setting Gifts

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Wine Lady

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

Prosecco Drinker

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"No, no, it's certainly not a Gerwurztrameiner; that's too far north."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'