Wine Snob In A Casual Setting Gifts

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Wine Lady

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

Wine tasting

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

Prosecco Drinker

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"No, no, it's certainly not a Gerwurztrameiner; that's too far north."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

'This is the 1927 Georges de Latour you bought us for our anniversary, son. Mom spruced it up nicely with orange soda and melon balls.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"